starting from the beginning

September 22, 2006. A date that never will go away. After months of being miserable I finally got my husband to the doctor, and this date is the date of his colonoscopy. You can say he was less than thrilled by having to do this.

I was in the waiting room, waiting, and when it finally seemed a little to long, I asked where my husband was. I was told that the doctor wanted to talk to me. I can tell you that I had already known something was not right, but it's not until they tell you the doctor "wants to talk" that I just became terrified. So I went to the back to see my husband, who was very happily medicated, and the doctor came over to "talk". They had found something, and that something was 99% sure cancer. My mouth dropped, my eyes filled with tears, and my whole body just went cold. My husband on the other hand was still enjoying his medication, so he wasn't as freaked as I was at that moment.

He was immediately sent to the hospital for further tests. Over the next three days the news just kept getting worse, and by day #3, I didn't want to even go to the hospital because, I knew when I went it would be more bad news. So I figured if I didn't show up then hey, no more bad news right? Well I went of course, and just as I had suspected, it was worse.

I thought the initial news that he had cancer would be the hardest to deal with, but then it was stage 4 cancer, and finally that it had metastasized to his lungs.

While I was trying not to pass out from the news, my husband was trying to get an outside pass to smoke a cigarette. He thought " it couldn't do more damage"

Insane right?? yeah, well that was just the beginning of the insanity. With my blog I want some other wife to know that she is not the only one out there dealing with this. Now that you are up to speed with the beginning of what I call "insanity, only worse", I will take you through what I have gone through the last 2 and a half years, and what I am still dealing with.